I can see her – my dear Purpose,
bobbing frantic in blackened waters as I skip rocks
on the shore. I’m afraid
to care so I settle in
to pass time with empty lungs, aimless hands.
After all, here on the sidelines
without her it’s safer and more
I was about to flip out, and that’s the ugly truth of it.
I was in front of a little dude who was pushing all my buttons, simultaneously, and we were dancing on the edge of a power-struggle, the kind that renders everyone a loser. For those of you who work with children and students “from hard places” (as Dr. Karyn Purvis describes), you get this scenario.
Or, maybe I should just stop at “who work with children and students.” Period.
Anyway, as flashes of angry words exploded in my mind, (ones I’d have momentarily enjoyed expressing, to be honest) I felt a strong sense of clarity. I’d like to think it was divine intervention. Two calming and gentle words doused my frustration: “Not today.”
This child, broken up by early rejection and thus defensive beyond belief, was not going to trigger me – not today. Yes, I wanted respect and eye-contact and verbal responses and a host of other things that would satisfy me – the Self that commands rather than connects and that is authoritative rather than his advocate.
But, I was making loving him about his behaviors, and it’s just not about that.
It’s about relying daily on a Source for love that is beyond our feelings. It’s about getting ourselves, our tendencies, and our triggers under control so that healing, hope-filled, life-changing Love can get from the Father to His child, through us. It’s about not giving up or giving in – not today – and then claiming the same two words tomorrow and every day after.
Yeah, maybe that sounds simplistic – but living it day after day makes it profound.
So, this is for all the mamas and teachers and others who are fighting for kids instead of with them in order to promote that kind of healing.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made… And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:1-3; 14